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英语散文:致命的怀疑 Deadly Suspect

发表时间:2011/5/10字号:T|T
一个高三男生自杀了,他从5楼宿舍的窗户跳了下去,原因竟然是因为他母亲对他的怀疑。Aseniorhighschoolstudentcommittedsuicidebyjumpingfromthewindowsonthefifthfloor.Thereasonwasstunninglysimple:hismotherdidnot...

      一个高三男生自杀了, 他从5楼宿舍的窗户跳了下去, 原因竟然是因为他母亲对他的怀疑。
      A senior high school student committed suicide by jumping from the windows on the fifth floor. The reason was stunningly simple: his mother did not trust him.

      男孩4岁的时候, 父亲就在车祸中丧生了。他和母亲相依为命, 感情一直很好。那年冬天, 学校要求住校, 母亲在宿舍里替儿子张罗好一切后才离开。快到家的时候, 她发觉自己的包不见了。急忙打电话问儿子见到她的包没有。儿子说, 母亲临走前把包落在了他床上。他下午刚好没课, 把包给母亲送过去。
      The boy’s father lost his life during a car crash when he was 4 years old. Since then, he lived with his mother and they had been in good relationship. In the winter of the year when the tragedy took place, the school required all students to live on campus. The boy’s mother helped him settle his accommodation before she left. When she was about home, she found that her wallet was lost. She was hastily calling her son, asking him whether he had seen it or not. Her son told her that she had left the wallet on his bed when she left. Coincidentally, the boy had no classes in the afternoon, so he brought the wallet back to her mother.

      母子俩约好在一家饭店一起吃晚餐。寒风里, 儿子赶到饭店大堂的时候, 脸被冻得通红。她接过包, 扭身带着儿子往里面边走边打开了包, 然后拿出钱来边走边数。
      They had agreed to dine in a restaurant where they would meet. It was very cold that night. When the boy hurried to the hall of the restaurant, his face was red with cold. The woman took over the wallet and carefully examined everything in the wallet to see whether some money had been missing or not when walking into the restaurant with her son.

      儿子突然停住了脚步, 生硬地说:“妈, 我才想起来晚上还有自习, 我得回去了。”说完转身就消失在风里。
      All of a sudden, the boy halted his steps and said coldly to the woman, “Mum, I am so sorry that I forgot I still have to study tonight, so I’ve got to go now.” Then, the boy quickly disappeared in front of the woman in the icy night.

      午夜, 她接到了校长亲自打来的电话。等她匆匆赶到学校的时候, 看到的却是儿子冰冷的尸体。
      In the midnight, the woman received a call from the headmaster of the school. When she arrived at the school hastily, she could only see his son’s lifeless icy body.

      男孩自杀前的最后一页日记上这样写着:“妈妈竟然在我把包送过去之后, 看了看里面的卡, 还数了数里面的钱, 她竟然不相信我!世界上最疼我的人、我最爱的妈妈竟然都不相信我!我真不知道活在这个世界上还有什么意思!”
      The last page on the boy’s diary before he committed suicide wrote: “my mum did not trust me when I returned the wallet to her. To my sadness, she examined everything inside the wallet to see whether I had stolen her money! The person who loved me most and who I loved most did not trust me! I really could not figure out any sense of living in this world now!”

      我无意再评说男孩的自杀, 我要说的是男孩的自杀带给我们的思考和警示。男孩的母亲一个无意的举动, 竟然在不知不觉间伤害了儿子脆弱的心灵, 让他脆弱的内心世界轰然崩溃! 生活中, 我们有太多无心、无觉的习惯, 但对于深爱着我们或者我们深爱的人来说, 一个看似无心的举动却可能让他们内心爱的世界无声地坍塌。
      Here I am not focusing on the tragedy itself but on the lessons we should learn from it. The boy’s mother’s one casual motion had tremendously hurt her son’s frail heart unwittingly, making his inner mental world collapse in a second! Actually in our lives, we have too many unwitting motions that become a great blow to the hearts of those who love us or who we love.

      我们常常自觉或者不自觉地怀疑自己、怀疑别人。怀疑自己是缺乏自信的表现, 而怀疑别人很多时候是因为缺少信任, 殊不知这种怀疑常常会导致我们意想不到的恶果。怀疑自己导致我们内心受挫, 总是生活在失败的阴影里;怀疑别人则让我们缺乏安全感, 总是生活在自己假想的危险中。
      We often consciously or unconsciously practice a skeptical attitude towards ourselves or others. Self-skepticism is the symptom of lacking confidence while doubting others is due to the lack of trust in them. We would never imagine this sort of skepticism would trigger some astoundingly negative consequences. Doubting ourselves would discourage our inner confidence and torture us in the shadow of failure, while doubting others would make us fell short of security and live in the state of danger presumed by ourselves.

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